7/23/23 Sermon
I don’t know how many of you know this about me, but I’m adopted. People generally have 3 questions about that. The first one is they ask me is what’s it like to be adopted. I have no idea how to answer that. I don’t have anything else to compare it to and I usually ask them back what’s it like to not be adopted. The second question I get asked is when did I find out I was adopted. That’s the easiest one to answer because I’ve just always known. I don’t remember finding out. My parents were always pretty open about it. The third question I get is if I ever met my real parents - which I hate because I consider my adopted parents to be my real parents. They raised me. I’m their son. I’ve never felt differently. But I know what they’re asking - they’re asking if I met my biological family. And that’s kind of a crazy story.
A few years ago, I was encouraged to take a DNA test to learn more about myself because everyone seemed to be curious about my ethnic heritage. So, I took a test to find out. What I didn’t realize at the time was that they compare your DNA to others who have submitted it through ancestry.com and they link you with people who match with you and are your family members. I won’t draw this into as long of a story as I could, but you can imagine my surprise being from Pennsylvania and as someone who had little to no knowledge of Indiana before I moved there, that I have an aunt, two uncles, and a bunch of cousins who lived like 45 minutes away from me in Indiana.
And while my biological mother never told anyone she was pregnant and no one knew anything about me, I ended up getting in contact with and developing a relationship with this part of my family. My biological mother lives in Pennsylvania still and I can only speculate as to why but she doesn’t really want to know me or talk to me - which is fine. But I had questions. And luckily through my aunt being a middle person, I was able to get some of those answers.
My mother had two young kids when she found out she was pregnant by a man who had zero interest in her. In fact, when he found out, my father put her into the car, drove her to Pittsburgh and dropped her off at a doctor’s office to “take care of it.” Instead she fled to Erie to give birth to me and place me into adoption. A year or two later she would have another child that she ended up keeping. So I found out I had some brothers and sisters. I’ll admit I was a little taken aback when I found out I had 3 siblings my mother kept and I was the only one given away. It makes you question what may be wrong with you that you were the only one given up.
Then my aunt sent me a news article from 1986. I would have been about 5 or 6 at the time. In the article, it explained that one night my mother went out in the evening to be with friends leaving my brother and sisters at home with her uncle whom she lived with. And after everyone had gone to bed, and my mother was still out, an electrical fire broke out in the house killing my brother, my sisters, and my great uncle. Everyone in the house at the time died. Had I not been adopted, had my mother decided to keep me, I would have been in that house and I would have died too. I wouldn’t have lived past the age of 5. So that’s twice now that my mother’s decision to put me up for adoption had saved my life.
It’s a strange sense of grief to mourn the loss of people you never knew. Indescribable really. Their loss hurts even though it doesn’t really feel like my loss. But something always troubled me when I would tell this story to people. They’d say things that I think were meant to be encouraging but I found disturbing. A lot of people would say to me, man God must really have a plan for your life. God must have a hand on you and have you here for a purpose to save you from all that.
It isn’t that I disagree that God has a hand on me and a plan for my life. But I don’t think that’s more true for me than it is for anyone else. Which is what troubled me. To say that God saved me from the fire by my adoption - to say that God had a plan for my life to continue implies that God didn’t have a plan for my brother and sisters. Why would God spare me and not them? If God was able to save me from the house fire, why wouldn’t have God saved them? Did God have less of a plan for their lives? How did God decide that I was more worthy of this life than they?
I think it’s the struggle of anyone who finds themselves as a survivor. Why me? Why did I make it? Why was I spared? If we believe God works that way, how does God choose who makes it and not and why did God choose me? These are real life questions and they lead to questions I think anyone who takes their faith with any amount of seriousness asks - Does God really work in this world and if so, how does God work in this world? It’s a monumental question. It’s huge. And the authors of Bible struggled with this question just as much as we do. I think it’s at the heart of this Elijah story.
In past weeks, we’ve talked about how the stories in the book of Kings work on a few different levels. There’s this sense of passing on history and the stories of the people, but then there’s this other level of passing on a theology and a faith to people in exile who are losing their sense of who they are. So on one level, in chapter 19 here we have Elijah in a personal struggle of being called by God to do God’s work, but then realizing that there’s a very real potential he’ll be killed by Queen Jezebel for doing so. But then if we peel the onion back to another layer, there’s this lesson or insight into how God works out God’s plan in the history of these people.
Last week’s reading in chapter 18 left off with Elijah being this big hero, remember? He challenged the priests of Baal to a miracle-off. They took bulls and asked their respective gods to light the sacrificial fires underneath them. Baal is a no-show. The God of Israel lights it up in spectacular fashion. And so Elijah is on a huge high here. He’s won a major victory on Mount Carmel. But Jezebel is not happy her god was disgraced by this prophet of the Lord. So, she does what any good sport does when they lose, and decides to kill Elijah. And Elijah being human, does what I think a rational human would do. He runs away. If the queen decides to kill you, running away seems not only like a rational option, it seems like probably the best option.
And so this time of huge victory for Elijah is immediately followed by a time of self-doubt, discouragement, and emptiness. That sounds pretty relatable. Oftentimes huge successes in our lives are followed by a drought. You hear athletes talk about after winning the super bowl or the title fight, after all the fanfare and celebration dies down they go home and feel depressed and hollow and empty. Often, its what makes them strive for that next victory again. But sometimes that depression deepens and sometimes its hard to pick yourself up and get back out of it. As the faithful, we sometimes see this happen in ourselves and think that we lack faith or that it says something about our spiritual health. We say things to ourselves like if I had a stronger faith, I wouldn’t be going through this or it wouldn’t be so hard.
But honestly, I don’t think feelings of depression or struggle or doubt or discouragement really say anything about how faithful we are. They’re feelings and feelings are a result of being human. Faithful people - even devoutly faithful people are still people. Christians or anyone of any faith aren’t immune from being human. That’s what our feelings do on one level. They remind us we’re human and we have to experience what it’s like to be human. So let me just say as a reminder because we’re often sent messages to the contrary and I know that I sometimes buy into them - but if you have times of sadness or depression or defeat or discouragement or anxiety or life just seems hard at any given moment - it doesn’t mean your faith is weak. It doesn’t mean you lack spirituality or don’t have a spiritual connection to God. It means you’re a real person who’s experiencing real life. And it doesn’t mean God’s left you. It just means that God can be hard to see for us sometimes.
And so Elijah runs away and hides in the desert. He’s scared. He’s depressed. He doesn’t understand what’s happening to him or why. And it’s in the midst of that, we’re told a messenger of God shows up. And this messenger feeds and nourishes and I’m not so sure encourages Elijah. The messenger says he has a difficult road ahead of him. But the messenger does push Elijah forward. And because of this messenger - this angel if you will - Elijah finds the strength to get up, to move forward, and to meet God. It’s a small but interesting point here. God doesn’t beat Elijah into submission here. God doesn’t make Elijah do anything. But God sends someone to nudge him the right direction into choosing God. God doesn’t force Elijah to respond. But God provides so Elijah can respond if he chooses to. But it’s his choice. We get to choose if we respond to God.
Now, what’s interesting is Elijah travels for 40 days. The bible likes journeys with the number 40. Jesus walked the desert for 40 days. Moses and the Israelites were lost for 40 years. And speaking of Moses, wouldn’t you know that Elijah ends up in a cave in mount Horeb. The same mountain where Moses first encountered God. What a coincidence. And what’s interesting is that God came to Moses there through a bush set on fire with a loud booming voice. But here a loud wind comes, then an earthquake, and then in fire and yet we’re told that wasn’t God. It’s really beautifully written. I love this. Listen to it again: A very strong wind tore through the mountains and broke apart the stones before the Lord. But the Lord wasn’t in the wind. After the wind, there was an earthquake. But the Lord wasn’t in the earthquake. After the earthquake, there was a fire. But the Lord wasn’t in the fire. After the fire, there was a sound. Thin. Quiet.
And that is the heart and soul of this whole story. Right there. Because it tells us that yes. God still acts in this world. And it shows us how God still acts in this world. It isn’t necessarily through big and flashy signs or huge miracles or mighty acts and great deeds. It isn’t always through rushing winds, ground shaking revelations, or booming voices making world changing pronouncements. In fact, those moments seem to get exceedingly rare as the Bible progresses. But instead what happens is that God often speaks to us in unexpected ways through unexpected people.
God sometimes comes as a whisper or a still small voice or a thin, quiet sound that if we’re aren’t paying attention or we aren’t looking for it could be easy to miss or dismiss. We don’t know all the ways in which God works in our world. We don’t always know how God works. But this story offers to us the assurance that God does work in this world and shows us one way that God does it. God works in this world through people. He sends back a prophet who was ready to give up and just die out in the desert. And God doesn’t just do it through one man working miracles either but verse 18 tells us that there were several thousand quietly living life every day who keep the faith and do God’s work.
The story tells us that God reminds Elijah that he isn’t alone working in this world; that there are countless others who share his faith in God and who share the dream that God has for who and what we could be. God is working through everyday, ordinary people in everyday, ordinary life to accomplish God’s purpose. My mom - meaning my adopted mom - Becky Worthington - the one I consider my real mom - But my mom’s favorite thing to remind me when I have times of struggle or doubt in both my life and my faith, is something a lot of people say. But she says if I ever want to know where God is in any given situation, look for the people helping and if I ever want to help God or do what God wants me to do, join them in helping. And it’s the darndest thing… She’s right.
As I struggle knowing that I’m going to lose her at some point, I feel God’s love and care throughout this journey through you and your love and care for me. As I still struggle to make sense of July 4th last year, I had this amazing opportunity to stand up and look out on this huge community gathered together to care for and love each other - just everyday ordinary people I pass walking the street - all gathered together to do God’s will whether they realize it or recognize it or not. People holding, helping, caring, nourishing, strengthening each other - not because of some great wind or earth-shaking sound or booming voice telling them to do so. But because there’s a whisper we all hear and sometimes listen to saying that this isn’t the way it has to be and we can do better for each other. Even amidst the loudness that would tell us how terrible this world is, there’s a sound. Thin. Quiet. That reminds us if we really listen and if we really look, we’ll see the beautiful and miraculous things God has done, is doing, and will continue to do in every day life through ordinary people just like us.